A great loss

I had every intention of writing pleasant things here. Then I recieved the news of my mother’s passing.

So not so pleasant and yet, I’m writing about my experience just a little bit. It’s still fresh and raw for me.

Mom had a stroke 7 months back. I got on a plane and made my way to Arizona to help her and the family. Leaving my own family behind, I stayed there a month till professional help could be obtained.

The end of Februrary she passed away. It’s horrible losing a parent. The hole inside me and my life, is so huge where once she lived. And memories come rushing in to fill it up.

I thought she raised me up to stand on my own. And now I feel like a “motherless” child.

Mother by all accounts from family and many many friends, was the most sweet, loving and kind of human beings. By my account,…she was indeed all this and more.

She taught me how to love unconditionally. How to forgive. How to appreciate those people in our lives and make them feel special and always thought of.

Her two hundred of friends attended her memorial. I tried to make it there. But the airline wouldn’t allow me on the plane, because I was 7 minutes late,…for their 30 minutes prior to take off- check in time.

I can’t even write that without more tears. I begged and pleaded to get on that plane, and they have become so restrictive with their rules, they kept saying no. They said “no” for the 20 minutes remaining of check in time. They were relentless. So they made me miss my own Mother’s Memorial. 😦

I managed to get the very next flight out the next afternoon, missing the memorial time of course. It devestated the whole family that I couldn’t get on that plane. However,….to add insult to injury,…on my way to getting things into the bucket for scanning,…I forgot to take off my metal framed glasses. They didn’t have me walk through the scanner,…no,….they made me stand in front of the full body X Ray machine. Then they made me stand on this little yellow footprint mat on the floor and padded me down!!!

I was a well dressed Grandmother looking lady. Not some terrorist. I was mortified. Horrified, after all I had been through previous with this airline, and now this.

Emotions going everywhere, in every direction. Mostly grief. I’m overwhelmed.